Convicting.

I think I should just get right out there and say this:
I hate it when God convicts us of something.

The ways in which He does this can range from subtleties that could easily be overlooked to billboards shouting out what God is really trying to say to you. Be warned, friends - when you hear a particular verse repeatedly, you are in danger of being convicted, or taught a lesson by the Lord. As beautiful as these times are, they are often some of the most challenging.
Why is this, might you ask? Why are these times so trying to us?

The answer is simple: God is showing us that we are far from perfect in the state we are in, and that we must be continually transformed in order to be made complete in Him.

What does that look like?

Pain. Because transformation IS pain.
We love being in our little boxes of comfort and calm, all snuggled up in our weaknesses and failures. We hate being torn out of those spots where we feel right at home.
But news flash - this earth, these bodies - this is not our home.

We were not made for here. That is why we are always longing for something more, but we can't put our finger on what that "more" is - because we haven't experienced it yet.
Because we were made for something more, something greater, something deeper, God convicts us. He allows us to go through the flames so that we might be refined. He wants us to be polished and pure so that we may fully reflect His beauty.

So I hate being refined. And although I ask the Lord to make me more like Him, in all honesty I don't really like the pain it takes to get there. But you know what?
God is teaching me to rejoice in my weaknesses, delight in my hardships, just like Paul did (see 2 Corinthians 12).

Of course, I say all this because God has been convicting me of something recently, and also of course, I'm loathing it.
Because conviction means there is a need for change. It means I have not been glorifying God as I should be, that I have been failing to give Him the worship He deserves.

I've been convicted of this simple truth: I have made myself my first priority.
I spend so much time worrying about me, my needs, my thoughts, my desires, my problems, that my focus on God has been minimized, as has my focus on giving myself to ministries and relationships.

The verse I've been hearing endlessly (which is basically a blowhorn declaring that God has been convicting me) is James 1:17. "Every good and perfect thing is from above, coming down from the Father of the Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

EVERY good and perfect thing is from ABOVE...NOT of myself...I am nothing and can produce nothing that is good in and of myself. I am not worth glorifying.
My Father is UNCHANGING. I change all the time - my mood, my desires, my passions - and so does everyone around me. The only constant in this life is Jesus Christ, and everything He is.
But still, I make myself my first priority. I somehow still think there is something good in me that deserves my utmost attention and focus.
Epic fail, right?
Welcome to the human race, Sydney. We will never be perfect this side of heaven.

So this is my challenge to you: As difficult as it is, ask God to convict you. Ask Him, the great Potter, to mold you like clay into His image. Ask Him to show you how you can better glorify Him, how you can better devote each action to His work.
Is it dangerous? You bet. Will it hurt to be transformed? Absolutely. Because I guarantee you He will answer your prayer in ways so high above your own (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Transformation by the Creator means that God loves us too much to leave us where we are in our imperfections. He wants to sharpen us so that we can be used by Him and beautify us so that we can reflect Him.

So look for those verses that keep re-appearing.
Because God is on the move, and something radical is coming your way.
Will you invite Him to transform you today?

Living.

I am currently in the midst of a great book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. It is one of those books I've been told for ages that I absolutely must read, so after pretending to have read it for quite a while, I decided I would actually read it. Turns out, I am just like all my friends who recommended it to me - I love it.

I'm not trying to advertise the book by summarizing it or talking it up - if you're interested you can just go out and buy it. But I am here because this simple book has taught me a whole lot about God, and what a relationship with Him looks like on its purest, most genuine level.

There is a quote in the book that really stands out to me. In its context, Don is writing about a great friend of his named Andrew who is actually a flaming liberal. But the man is living for the one and only Jesus Christ, and is doing this by literally feeding the hungry. This man is genuinely living like Jesus did by putting His very words into practice in the world around us.
"Andrew would say dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something, Andrew would say, is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe, Andrew would say."

These words are true. And because these words are true, my life is not testifying to much. If I am living what I believe in the inmost depths of my soul then what I believe is that my life revolves around me, and that God is often much less important than my own "needs." He frequently ends up on the back burner of my stove of a life, on which my own needs are constantly in a boiling pot on high.
If my life is a testament to what I believe, my life is not saying much about what I believe in most passionately at all.

I once heard a speaker talk about how we should "ooze Jesus." Ooze is kind of a gross word when you think about it, but when something is oozing it is absolutely evident because is it OVERFLOWING. If my life is a testament to my belief in Jesus Christ then you bet I want to ooze Jesus - out of every single pore in my body. I want my life to proclaim the freedom I have as a result of my relationship with my Creator.

I think Andrew is right. I think dying for something is easy when compared to living for something. Because in both senses, you are giving up your life.
But in the former, most people may not even take the time to notice what you are living for.
Dying, on the other hand...well, everyone will know you; you will doubtlessly be recognized and glorified for your sacrifice.

This brings me to a deeper question...why do we do the things we do?
If I am living for Jesus, is it for the glory, the recognition, the praise?
Is it for the fruit I am priveleged to see as a result of my labor but in no way deserve to see, nor is it promised to me?

I want to be living for Jesus for one reason:
Because I love Him.

I want my sole motive for giving my life into His hands to be because I want Him, all of Him, every day, moment by moment.


So think about it. What are you living for?

Beginning.

So I decided today that since I am absolutely enthralled by writing - it's all in the experience, not the product - I should make a blog. Of course, I have journals, but I wanted a way to express my emotions and thoughts publicly. I mean, why not, right? Who ever said just because their my thoughts that they should be kept secret?

This is actually an idea I've been convicted about recently. Just because I have a personal, intimate relationship with the Creator of the universe doesn't mean I should keep that to myself either, right?

I like the idea of beginning, of starting fresh. And that's exactly what I'm doing by beginning this blog. Of course, I could re-create myself via this very computer screen, but that's not the point. The point is to express my contemplations, which can at times be extremely complex (or maybe just confusing). But God has blessed me a whole lot in that He has given me the undeserved ability to get to know Him. That in and of itself is pretty wild. Because of this knowledge of Him and love for Him He teaches me more about Himself every day. Not a day goes by that I don't see Jesus in the world around me. So why am I not screaming from the rooftops this beauty that has been unveiled before me?

So here it is. My first ever blog. Maybe I'll never literally get up on a rooftop and scream about Jesus, but I'd like to display who He is with my life - and maybe this blog is just another step in sharing His truth.

There is, and always will be, so much more to come.